monoceros blogsI'm getting more dissatisfied by the minute with the church I've chosen for my wedding. First, they tell me they will not allow couples to choose their own florists to decorate the church - we have to use the church volunteer florist and go with whatever she decides. The parish priest (not the priest who'll preside over my ceremony) insists upon it so that there can be a standard look for all weddings at this particular church. He's basically enforcing homogenity on a ceremony that is already pretty standard, which makes brides want to add more personal touches to set theirs apart from the hundreds of weddings that take place. Why the insistence on 'sameness'? Many weddings have the standard rituals of readings, prayer, exchanging of vows and rings, why not let marrying couples have the freedom to express their personality through - at the very least - the flowers?
I managed to calmly accept this rule. Then I learned of another - this priest has banned the lighting and blessing of the matrimonial candle! Now, we're talking blessed and sacred things here like weddings and churches, but I really want to yell out expletives! The blessing and lighting of the unity candle is as huge and important a ritual as the blessing and exchanging of rings in a Catholic wedding ceremony. What in the world is the priest thinking? What is it with him and his wedding rules?
When Lin Kiat and I went for the Engaged Encounter weekend, we were given an EE candle that would take us through the months leading up to the wedding. The unity candle which we're meant to receive on our wedding day signifies an even bigger union and promise to each other and to Christ for the rest of our marriage life. Taking away the unity candle from a wedding is like taking away the candles from a child's birthday cake. Every child blows out the candles on his cake and every wedded couple at church lights their unity candle together.
The church florist who told me about this rule said, "This saves you some money, you don't have to go out and get the candle." Well, honey, let me tell you something, this isn't about money. It's about the rituals and promises that we choose to believe in and make good. What happened to meaning? What happened to preserving the small beauty of simple acts and traditions?
If I can't find another church that still believes in such traditions, if I can't find another church with more understanding and flexibility, if I'm still stuck with this rigid church, well, I'm going ahead with that one ritual. I'm breaking the rule. If they dare to come up during the ceremony and take away my candle, well, I promise there'll be some strong words to be heard. Hands off, and let me have my candle.
Posted by Monoceros at April 15, 2003 7:52 PMoh goodness, the parish priest is such a stick-in-the-mud! No offence intended, but really, those rules are just ridiculous! Like yeah, why the insistence on "sameness"??? People all want their weddings to be unique in their little ways.
Yeah, i think you should go scouting around for another church. I think flowers are such a major part of any wedding! It's such a major component in setting the mood you want to achieve.
Also, not to mention the unity candle ritual. I can't believe the church florist actually said it would "save money" by not having that ritual. I mean, for goodness sake, one candle won't make much a diff to the whole cost of the wedding. but that's not the point. Like what you said, it's a ritual. It's TRADITION.
Wonder what those people are thinking.
Posted by: Joan at April 15, 2003 8:56 PMIt's only money. Let's find another as backup =) no sweat. dun worri.
Posted by: Lin Kiat at April 15, 2003 11:53 PMOutrageous. This is what Creative CEO Sim Wong Hoo has labelled 'NUTS' or No U-Turn Syndrome. If you haven't read this chapter of his book, it's basically the mentality that many Singaporeans are stuck in - following our traffic laws, if the rules don't say you can make changes, then it's assumed that you can't.
I am doubly appalled because it is a church that wants to cut down on what is obviously a very important symbolic gesture. All they see is the dollars and cents, and even worse, they think they're doing you a favour. They aren't even a business. I'm sorry God for speaking ill of a church, but surely there must be some remnant of common sense and decency for such a blessed and sacred ceremony.
You go, girl! If they come down the aisle to take the unity candle away, I'll volunteer to hold them back! (This is going to be one exciting wedding.) But I don't think they'd dare to.
And about homogenity - please, as a web designer (actually I've just been promoted to something else) I understand the value of consistency, but for crying out loud it's a wedding, and what can be more personal than that? If you need any help improving the decorations, let us know.
Posted by: Vanessa Tan at April 16, 2003 1:32 AMwas at another fren's wedding when they lit the candle. thot it was a really beautiful moment of the ceremony. my advice, van, find another church. a wedding should be a dream come true for the couple and they should not have to adhere to other ppl's ridiculous rules!!! i mean, the wedding should be perfect for the couple getting married!!! FIND ANOTHER CHURCH!!!
Posted by: Des at May 26, 2003 9:50 PM