monoceros blogsI heard about an old interest recently. I say "interest" and not "flame" because nothing ever transpired from our feelings. It's strange to think about it really, the people who meant a great deal to you a long time ago.
What do you say to someone like that after all these years? How do you greet each other when your friends are still friends, but you're not?
I suppose one of the saddest things is a lost friendship after the lack of courage to be honest and even apologize for the way things ended.
Not that we'd ever meet again, but every once in a while, I brush up against someone who's heard something, a slice of information, a mention of a name, a city, and I remember so much.
Some people can face such situations without ever letting the past well up. I admire that strength in them. I'm not built that way. Even when I'm over a person, should we should meet, history would haunt me. Not that I'd change anything, I just regret having a friend fall away. That part of me is tragically unchanged even though I'm well into my 20s and have become far less idealistic - it's the part that's embarrasingly sentimental.
Our past makes us the individuals we are today, just as history shapes nations and their peoples. If we didn't have the experiences that we do, how different would we be? I think I wouldn't have realized what I was looking for and what I needed in a partner for life. I hope he's as lucky as I am and finally found someone for keeps.
Posted by Monoceros at August 26, 2004 8:44 PMlovely entry...very reflective...speaks to me.
Posted by: dsd at August 27, 2004 5:41 AMit's hard when one loses a friend...
Posted by: tiggie at August 27, 2004 6:09 AMDSD, glad it does. *wink*
Tigs, the weaker friends fall away, but the true ones stay with you always - here's to 100-Acre Wood! Our virtual Wood - the weblogs - is very special to me.
Posted by: V Heng at August 27, 2004 8:14 AM*tiggie hops about with joy!* in agreement.
Posted by: tiggie at August 27, 2004 9:57 AMVanny, I struggle with the same thoughts. But I think I am still v. idealistic and don't believe that friends should not be friends after a r'ship..or rather, I cannot understand why pple fall out when all it takes is a little communication to resolve the differences.
I'd dwell on a lost friendship for weeks and months and pray that one day our paths will cross and there'll be no awkwardness, just a chance to rekindle the friendship..... but opportunities like these are v rare. :(
Posted by: Bunny at August 27, 2004 1:00 PMhullo
my name is shin dee, and i am vanessa tan's colleague. I stumbled upon your blog via vantan.org. I hope you don't mind me reading it.
I must say, I am rather drawn to your musings on books and all things literary, especially your enthusiastic entries about the latest studio ghibli gems! i just finished reading "howl's moving castle", and i loved it!
anyway, just wanted to say that this entry is eloquent and incisive. i am dealing with something similar, and your entry beautifully expresses those bittersweet feelings i can hardly put into words. thank you!
bunny, I suppose once the damage is done, it really depends on whether the two people can move past the "scar." Everyone's different so when friendships/relationships crumble, how people treat each other varies. Sadly, not everyone is willing to be honest and communicate. They'd rather fade into obscurity. Don't despair over it though. C'est la vie.
Shin Dee, hello and welcome! Very nice of you to make yourself known. I er...ramble on quite a bit about movies and animated films, so as long as you like that kind of stuff, then you won't get bored. I didn't realize so many people would relate to this particular entry. It was an exercise in looking back and articulating an old pain. I guess this kind of pain could get as common as rheumatism! The older you get, the more prone you are to having it. In any case, I hope you'll be able to work through your own situation. It's hard to imagine you'll be happy again, but you will. I landed myself in a much better situation once I ended my pining/grieving/mortification. =)
Posted by: V Heng at August 27, 2004 5:34 PM